Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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