Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
