Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
420 ftw
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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