I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
