are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
