Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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