Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
