I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
