Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
