You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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