I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
