whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
