the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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