I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
