i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
