you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
