Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize