Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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