I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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