I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
