Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
