how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize