Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
