Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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