I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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