I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
