i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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