At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
