Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
