so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
