I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
