The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
