I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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