I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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