i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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