she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize