Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
