I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
