and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So much Jack, so little girl.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
