We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
