i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
