glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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