Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
