Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
