just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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