I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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