apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
