she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
