I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
