I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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