i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
