I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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