My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
