If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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