Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize