Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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