No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
