I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
