Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
