Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
