wakey wakey hands off snakey
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
