Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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