if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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