They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize