dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
