her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize