its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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